As of today, it has officially been 6 months since my doctor told me I was in remission. There have been no life altering epiphanies or secret wisdoms revealed to me, only a hard-won smile from having kicked cancer square in the beanbag.
There is so much about this disease that you never see on TV or in movies: the weight gain from steroids, the palpable fear in the air of an infusion center, the utter numbness that consumes your being. Writers wax poetic about the nobility of facing down such an evil opponent or the transcendent quality you gain in your perspective, but oftentimes it’s an incomprehensibly frightening experience that happens so fast you can’t understand what’s going on even as it happens to you.
No one tells you how difficult it is to pick up the pieces of your shattered life. They don’t let you know that the reason some of your friends disappeared was because they didn’t know what to say (hello would have been nice). How weird it is to slip back into a normal routine when your core has been stripped raw or all the little ways your body has been irrevocably changed. Beating cancer was fucking difficult. Living afterwards may be even harder.
This is a minor milestone—though a welcome one—and the best I can do is keep moving forward.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Well stated Gabriel. Only those that have been through it can truly comment in such a way. I take my hat off to you, your a fighter and as you said you kicked it square in the beanbag.
It’s strange that people shy away from conversation with you when something like this happens. Going back to when I was in a wheelchair and Jan would push me around, believe this or not, people I know would come up to us and ask Jan how I was doing? It’s as though by avoiding me it made things ok for them. People are strange.
Congratulations on the six months remission. Keep fighting.
Twitter: gabrielnovo
February 4, 2013 at 11:11 pm
People are strange indeed. So weird to talk about someone when they’re right in front of you, but still ignoring them totally. Makes no sense. When I was hospitalized everyone asked Ra about me, but never inquired about her as if she wasn’t suffering as well. One of these days, hopefully soon, you and I will be enjoying rum drinks and having a laugh by the beach. My best to you and your lovely lady
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This is great to read.
And that’s so true about friends abandoning you. It’s like no matter what kind of difficult time we’re having, they bail because they feel like they always have to say something insightful or meaningful. They don’t realize that just being there and having a normal conversation with their friend is enough.
Twitter: gabrielnovo
March 11, 2013 at 1:39 pm
Krystal, that’s so very true. I’ve developed a zen approach toward it all. I don’t hold any resentment toward the friends that disappeared and then came back, but I also know where they truly stand in my life.
I think of cancer like a brush fire in a forest, it clears away the dead and old while leaving fertile ground for the new.
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Thanks for sharing your cancer experience. My husband has passed the two year mark and is very hopeful. I had a similar post back in 2011 when we celebrated his first full year. I hope you have a chance to read and gain some insight. My cancer experience was scary, though I wasn’t the victim, only a bystander who very much loves her husband.
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Twitter: gabrielnovo
March 11, 2013 at 1:43 pm
Congratulations on the wonderful milestone. Thanks for sharing your story as well. It is scary how quickly things progress and how many of the decisions you need to make are really outside of your control. I’m glad things came out alright and that he’s still doing well.
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Great news, Gabriel! Here’s to being in remission for the rest of forever. Love to you and Ra.
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March 11, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Thanks for swinging by Damaris
As the saying goes “from your mouth to God’s ears.”
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