Battle of the Bulge

America (and most modern nations) is trying vainly to battle the rising tide of obesity.  Cheap, unhealthy foods in ridiculous quantities are making it damn near impossible to go the healthy route.  Why buy a bag of salad for $4.99 when you can buy a microwave pizza and a sack of Oreo’s for 2 bucks?  For those pinching pennies, it just doesn’t make sense.  Being in the IT field, we are notorious for our poor eating habits (and sometimes hygiene, but that’s a different post).  Sitting in front of a computer screen for 8 hours straight—if we’re lucky—coupled with easy access to vending machines (which you KNOW are packed with healthy nutritious snacks) leads to the “Fatbody” so many of us are known for.  Throw in a computer nerd that has to travel constantly—living out of suitcases, dining on airline pretzels and energy drinks—and it’s a recipe for corpulence.  Forget the freshman fifteen, computer gigs (help desk, tech support, consulting) will pack on 20 to 30 pounds within mere months.  This isn’t anything scientific (though there should be studies), but from watching colleagues blow up and experiencing it first hand.

I’m not what you would call an “athletic” kinda guy.  I do workout occasionally *cough* rarely *cough* and don’t run completely out of breath going up the stairs, but I’m far from an Adonis.  The little regular exercise I did get completely disappeared when I started working as a traveling consultant.  Even when doing phone support at Microsoft, I would engage in frequent games of ping pong (don’t laugh, it’s harder than it looks) which kept me from being a total slug.  With the new consulting gig I was on a plane almost every week, working long hours and eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  My work day consisted of hammering away at a keyboard (sitting on my ass), going to meetings (sitting on my ass) and training other IT folk on new software (still sitting on my ass).  By the time I made it to the hotel there was no energy or desire left to think about getting on a treadmill, let alone doing it.  In the photos I’ve so generously provided (bleach and brillo pads will be handed out at the end of the post) you can see the effects this had on me.  Both photos are dated Nov. ‘06, 6 months after I started consulting and I’m nearing 200 lbs on the scale.

This wasn’t making me happy, to say the least, and buying new clothes because of it was equally depressing.  I know if I was dedicated enough I would have found the time to work out, but I didn’t have the juice left over after constant air travel, differing time zones and frequently taxing days.  Did I mention drinking with clients?  All in an effort to build rapport, you find yourself slamming back beers/shots/wine at some local bar chatting with the client about inane shit.  Usually you’re the one footing the bill and they milk it for what it’s worth.  Other times its a test to see if you can hang with “the big boys” which is code for bullshit male posturing.  Thanks to my high tolerance I never had a problem, but the gallons of alcohol did my waistline no favors.

Manuel Uribe “The World’s Fattest Man” started ballooning when he became a computer technician in the 90’s.  His addiction to junk food caused him to tip the scales at 1,316 lbs.  He may be an extreme example of the IT lifestyle, but not a surprising one.  An office full of computer nerds is one littered with junk food, soda cans and well worn seat cushions.  One very recent project I worked, the local IT staff brought in White Castle sliders for breakfast.  FOR BREAKFAST! I can understand late night drunk food, but not the first thing I eat after waking up.

My one saving grace was moving to the United Kingdom.  Sent overseas to open the European offices of a former employer (LONG story), I lived in England for most of ‘07.  Immediately upon arrival, I began shedding pounds.  At first I thought it was the stress of traveling all over the UK (London, Leeds, Perth, Exeter, Dublin, the list continues) on a weekly basis.  Once I settled in Windsor I realized it was the way of living that helped me rid the unwanted weight.  First off, the portion sizes were much smaller.  Europe in general has smaller portion sizes (in the Netherlands a King Size BK meal is our medium) and the UK was no exception.  Second, I walked EVERYWHERE.  They drive like maniacs—on the wrong side of the road—and no matter what your opinion of the public transportation system (especially London’s) it worked consistently enough and was extensive enough to get you where you needed to go.  I traveled exclusively by foot or train the entire time I was there, except for Dublin which involved a ferry.  Third, the food sucks.  My Brit pals tend to nod in agreement, relegating food for “fuel” not enjoyment.  I ended up eating more fish and salad than I had in years.  With all these elements combined, I dropped 40 lbs, bringing me back to high school weight.

After being forced to return to the US in Jan ‘08 (still a LONG story), I worried about skyrocketing back up the weight scale.  Driving everywhere (because who walks in the US?) removed my previous source of exercise, the portion sizes were back to insane quantities and food was actually tasty, making me want to keep eating.  Knowing I couldn’t take the depression of transforming back into Fatboy, I decided to ask my wife (my personal health/fitness guru) for some help.  Together we formulated techniques that would help me maintain my weight in spite of my aversion to physical activity.  These were derived from her personal experience and research.

<DISCLAIMER> Since we are a litigious society, I thought it best to interject the following: I am not a health care professional, fitness expert or anything related to that.  These are simply things that worked for me and I wish to share them with the 2 people reading this blog. </DISCLAIMER>

Travel is unavoidable, so much of my free time is spent going to or in airports.  Due to this unfortunate fact and my aforementioned aversion to physical activity, the only way I could control my expanding ass was to control how I ate.  I never stayed in any hotels that provided kitchens and I’m honestly a horrible cook, which made eating out the only viable option.  We all know many foods at popular restaurants are bad for us, but we don’t always realize just how bad.  For instance, the Aussie Cheese fries from Outback, which we know are bad because they’re fried and covered in cheese, clocks in at a staggering 182g fat, 240g carbs and 2,900 calories which even for junk food is excessive.  These “gut bombs” aren’t clearly marked, with some hiding in otherwise innocuous food.  Avoiding these dishes altogether and cooking a healthy meal is the best option, but for road warriors like myself it’s the least likely.  Instead you can enjoy these foods while minimizing their impact by cutting the portions in half.  Dinner plates average 11 to 12 inches in diameter, roughly 3 to 4 inches larger than a few decades ago, showing how massive our portions have become.  This simple method may seem silly, but can have dramatic results.

Another trick that’s been successful is setting up my snacks ahead of time.  I’m not a constant grazer, but there are many times you have to work through lunch or late into the night without being able to grab a bite.  Vending machines are especially evil in these times of weakness.  To prevent myself from going to the dark side, I pack better snacks in my computer bag.  Protein bars, ostrich jerky or nuts are all healthy alternatives to Cheez-It’s and Snickers bars.  If you can make the switch, cutting out soda and moving to water or juices will vastly improve things too.  The carbonation in soda (diet or regular) stretches out the stomach preventing you from feeling full quicker.  If you don’t believe me, try this:  Take an uninflated balloon and put it over the top of a newly opened 2 liter of soda.  Don’t shake the soda or blow into the balloon before doing this.  Walk away and come back 30 minutes later.  See how big the balloon got?  That’s EXACTLY what it’s doing to your stomach lining.

Lastly, if I do decide to indulge, I only consume the best possible version of whatever I’m craving.  My rationale is why waste the opportunity on mediocre deserts or unsatisfying food?  I’ve seen too many folks dine on sub-standard desserts and then look dejected because it didn’t meet their desire.  If I’m going to do cheesecake, its from Cheesecake Factory.  If I want a fatty rib eye, I’m going to Morton’s.  That way you don’t deprive yourself of the pleasures of food and guarantee you’ll enjoy the experience  to the fullest.  One good dish every couple of weeks will beat out repeatedly munching on crap food anytime.

These little changes to my eating habits have kept me happy with my weight.  The photo on the right is from August of this year.  I’m roughly 170 lbs.  There are no rippling pectorals or washboard abs underneath that shirt, but I feel good in my clothes and that’s a nice feeling.  I’m not a weight-loss guru or a diet expert or even a fitness enthusiast (I find it hard waking up before 9am).  I’m an average guy working a job that involves lots of sitting down, like MANY of us, who is fighting the good fight against becoming a lard ass and wants to pass along some stuff that worked for me.  Hopefully you’ll find it useful too.

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