If you’ve been following my Twitter feed, you probably heard about my interesting weekend in Ybor City.  Goths in surgical masks, a pit bull sitting at the bar, and one-eye bathroom attendants are just some of the highlights of my adventures in Ybor nightlife.  The transformation from tumbleweed town earlier in the week to hordes of people clogging the streets on the weekend was amazing.  Definitely one of the more impressive Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde acts I’ve seen.

I also got the chance to hang out with the locals (always my goal in a new city) and meet some real people.  One in particular drew me in with sharp, funny conversation and then startled me with eerie similarities.  He was a young guy I met at the local micro-brew, who was teeming with rage and frustration just below the surface, fueled by his current situation in life, which was one I knew all too well.  There he was, an intelligent and capable man, having tasted briefly what it felt like to truly meet his potential, who was now trapped in a subpar role, in a substandard place, living a barely sustainable life.  For those who’ve always scrapped along, it’s business as usual, but those who fall under Icarus’s shadow know the pain of grasping a moment only to have it torn from you.

I was that guy, back in my early twenties, humping away at menial computer work which was what passed for a living after the dotcom bust in South Florida.  Grateful for the pay, but resentful of the work, I dragged myself from crappy project to crappy project.  The fear and struggle gnawed away at me constantly.  It wasn’t until I received a real opportunity that I was able to free myself of such misery.  The call to Microsoft, in essence, was the light which led me out of the well.

There I sat at this bar, talking to a conflicted yet genuine man, seeing him flounder in the same darkness with the same pain in his eyes.  I tried to talk him through it as best I could, leveraging all my experiences from the same period, yet in the end all I can do was hope he gets out of it on the right side of the equation.  In humanity we see bits of ourselves in everyone around us.  It’s the moment when we can recognize others living the same scenarios we’ve played out before that still catch me off guard.  Introspection through others is a surreal method of self analysis.

I can’t blame him for his rage, the fire burning in his belly is the same one that resides in mine.  Both a blessing and a curse, ambition is a trait which few have appreciated in recent years.  I’ll almost venture to say that most enjoying the start of their youth don’t even acknowledge its existence.  With the rise of instant gratification this comes as no surprise.  Why hone oneself to a fine point when the rewards for being a dull blade can be the same?

Now I find myself getting pulled back into the same well, frustration and anxiety creeping in as I clash with my neglected creative potential.  Injecting myself with the unfiltered life of Ybor has been beneficial, returning a little crackle into my smoldering fire, but that alone is not enough.  Luckily I’ve gone through this game before and the pull I feel in my gut will take me through the darkness even though I can’t see the steps.  I just need to trust in its guidance.

I’m curious, has anyone else seen a stranger playing out scenes from their own lives?  Did you try to help them through it or run away from the painful reminder?

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I’ve been constantly struggling between the Techie and the Creative in my life.  The Techie pays the bills and has been my bread & butter for years, but is honestly a little burned out these days.  The Creative took a backburner when Techie hit high gear, but is trying to make a reappearance in my life even though it isn’t financially viable (yet).

As a Techie my path was always clear cut and easy to follow.  You get some certifications, do some projects, move up the ranks, lather, rinse, repeat.  The Creative side of the house has been an idea without a map,  leading me down twisty roads with no end in sight.

Like most, I’ve been trying to find the direction I need to get to the kind of life I want to lead.  More living and less reacting.  As reader’s of my blog know, Lateral Action is one of my favorite sites.  It combines creativity and its effective execution.  Not just poetic people thinking creative thoughts, but how to take your abilities and leverage them toward tangible results.  That’s been a huge problem for me.  I have an idea of where I want to go without knowing how to pull it off.

Listening to Mark McGuinness’ latest interview with Steven Pressfield (The Art of Doing Remarkable Things) really got my wheels turning again toward getting closer to a creatively focused life.  Looking at the vast landscape of the internet there are many people doing exactly that, carving out a life based around creative pursuits which are financially viable.

One in particular, who’s path I’ve been watching closely, is Brian Clark of Copyblogger.  Not only has he been very successfully running several online business, but he’s regularly giving away great info on how to get there yourself.  Recently, through Lateral Action, I came across some interviews and articles Clark had on just this subject called How to Have a Great Life and Great Business.

Personally, I’ve always been one to look at the successful people around me, figure out how they did it and then try to do the same, only better.  Mark and Brian are doing what I hope to one day be doing.  Not necessarily their niche, but a life where I can sustain myself on creative works and not techie works.  I’m definitely checking out what these two cats have to say and perhaps it will finally get things going where I want them to be.

*Note* all links to Lateral Action are affiliate links

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I am a Gemini and thus definition has never been good for me.  It feels restrictive, limiting and claustrophobic.  The proverbial daydreamer, I’m prone to dream big and dream small, but always look for more in life.  I thrive in chaos like few others can, the whirlwind of constant change makes me giggle like a Catholic school girl, giving me a rush and soundly defeating the monster known as boredom.  Assimilating, adapting, overcoming,  it’s all second nature to me.  I swear gypsy blood must run in my veins because the itch for movement is constant.

My attraction toward the mercurial has never ceased, but it has overwhelmed me these last couple of years.  Some parts of my life have suffered and atrophied while others are stymied.  I finally heard the gears of the amusement park ride screeching over the roar of the crowd  and know that continuing at this pace will end in catastrophe.  Trying to cut through the bullshit of a modern life is a big undertaking.  It’s truly amazing the amount of noise we wrap ourselves in, fooling us into believing that was all there was or distracting us from all there isn’t.

Putting myself into a box and labeling it has never been my style, so instead of trying to ground my dreaming self, I’m going to recognize the pieces of me which are essential and immutable.  The details or methods may change as the years pass, but these facets will always be around.

Declaration of Me

This is who I am.  It is not a rigid set of criteria, but guidelines to my core passions.  No matter where I’ve been, what I’ve been or who I’ve been, these elements have never left me.

I Am A Writer

I’ve had a love affair with letters and words since birth.  I can clearly remember first encountering certain words, writing my first “book” and short story (horror of course) and reading favorite authors for the first time.  These moments are seared into my memory with the fire of my love for the written word.  An inescapable fact has always been it’s more painful to NOT write than struggle with a blank page.  What I produce changes over time—short stories, blogs, articles, poems, novels (eventually)—but I’m always writing.

Neglect of this portion of me has led to a lot of background pain and disappointment.  I’ve come to the realization that further denial will guarantee a miserable existence.  Re-injecting writing into my life and re-igniting the passion for it will take effort, dedication and a bunch of other stuff I won’t know about until I get there, but one thing is for certain, this is no longer a negotiable aspect of my life.

I Love Film

If you’ve ever spoken to me at length, in almost every one of my conversations movies come up.  No matter how tired I am, when movies are the subject I light up like a Christmas tree.  You hear it in my voice, you see it in my mannerisms (how do you get a Cuban to shut up? tie his hands) and you feel the passion pouring from me.  Some of my very first memories are of movies.  I can still vividly remember my first time watching a movie in a theater (Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind), the feel of the chair and being mesmerized by the images on the screen.  I’ve become an offline IMDB, rattling off plots, characters, actors, directors, and genres at the drop of a hat because I honestly can’t get enough.

A natural offshoot of my writing tendencies (and book loving, story telling, character analysis, etc), the visual medium of film has always drawn me.  Simply consuming films, while enjoyable, is not enough for me anymore.  Like the creative fires that push me to write, I need to eventually create in this space as well.  How, I haven’t the foggiest, but the need to add to a world which is ingrained in me has become overriding.

Moving Forward

Recently I’ve learned a couple of hard lessons, ones Time and Experience conspired to teach me whether I wanted it or not.  Because the ink is still fresh, I’m writing them down in the hopes it’ll be one step closer to burning them into my memory.

Technical & Creative Must Balance

For far too long the Technical focus of my life has dwarfed all others.  I started down this path by deluding myself, believing I could throw 90% of me into Tech and the 10% left over would be sufficient for Creative outlets.  Boy was I wrong.  Denying creativity led to a slew of problems, professionally and personally, which screamed at me “this isn’t working.”  I didn’t listen to those warning signs for a long time.  It wasn’t until pieces of me flew apart, as life spun out of balance, that I acknowledged I couldn’t keep living like this.

Balance is very hard to learn.  There’s no manual to help you out and what works for some, frustrates others.  It’s going to be trial and effort while I find the sweet spot, but a balance must be found.  I can’t let the Tech keep pushing me into the red.

I’ve Been Reacting To Life Not Living It

This is a byproduct of the constant chaos which follows me around.  Thinking on your feet and keeping cool under pressure are fine traits to have, making you adaptable to almost any situation, but as a way of life you find yourself tap dancing from one train wreck to another without ever figuring out if you want to dance in the first place.

Staying one step ahead of a tidal wave turns your life into a nonstop race where you’re the only one running and the finish line doesn’t even exist.  I’ve suffered a 10 year detour living this way—in pursuit of a career, in pursuit of an idea—not taking the time to see if I even wanted what was supposedly at the end.  I’ve experienced a lot in my short time on Earth, but having things happen to you is not the same as making things happen.  I need to start taking control of the wheel.

What Next?

This isn’t a lofty proclamation of future goals and ambitions, it’s a simple moment of self reflection.  Hopefully by recording my observations I won’t forget them again as easily.  I’ve distracted myself with the wrong kind of things for a frighteningly long time and while I don’t regret the years I’ve lived this way, I know I will if my focus doesn’t change.  To quote a sage philosopher,  “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

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The shark is a remarkable animal having evolved over millennia into the sleek ocean predator we both fear and admire.  Singular in purpose these fantastic creatures suffer from one major design flaw, if they stop moving they drown.  Driven by this biological drawback sharks endlessly prowl the waters, condemned to a life devoid of rest.

The clownfish (popularized by Finding Nemo) is on the other side of the spectrum.  Once a host anemone is found they will usually stick to that spot for the remainder of their life.  Both these creatures inhabit the same oceans, even crossing paths from time to time, yet embody completely different approaches to living.

Just Keep Swimming

A constant frustration of mine is being in the same camp as the former, propelled by biological forces written into my very DNA which leave no room for discussion.  Not everyone is wired this way.  From my personal experience I would say a majority of the population wants to find that perfect symbiotic relationship and maintain the status quo until they expire.

This is where I find a lot of friction between myself and the world at large.  For me, like the shark, forward momentum is life.  I feel the potential of my design shouting at me, trying desperately to keep inertia at bay.  Whenever I’m idle in my passions both body and mind rebel.  An unease sets into life, tainting everything around me.

Since most folks aren’t compelled in this manner, it is difficult to find kindred spirits.  The basic desire for growth is one that’s also hard to find.  Sad to say routine ad nauseam is the way of life for most and in many cases something people strive for.

Where Am I?

At this point I’m not quite sure.  Everything feels either stagnant or like it’s backsliding.  The stillness of it all has me apprehensive, like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, just waiting for the inevitable.  And if the inevitable never comes then that’s a torture in and of itself, languishing in a personal limbo.

I’ve tried all the usual tricks to climb out of this, but they fall flat.  I don’t even know what to expect from writing this entry other than to get it out into the open.  Perhaps giving it an objective eye once it’s up will uncover something new.

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This was my first time participating in any sort of charity event and it was an INCREDIBLE experience.  Being the nomad that I am, it’s hard to be anywhere long enough to do these kind of things or even get the chance to connect with like-minded individuals.  Not only was I supporting an important cause, but I was doing it with an amazing group of people. 

"Club Us" wasn’t an organization or a company or a non-profit, they were just a group of friends who banded together to commemorate the memory of one of their own and in honoring his memory, do everything they could to help prevent that same kind of loss for others.  65 wonderful people raised $56,000 dollars, an impressive amount on any day, but especially so in the current economic climate. 

Standing up on that stage and looking out to see so many people fighting the good fight filled me with a sense of pride and togetherness unlike anything I’ve felt before.  Thousands of people—each carrying their own story leading them to this day—united and supporting each other for a common cause.

When I first spoke about the AIDS Walk back in February, I mentioned Tim Yocom as the catalyst for "Club Us".  Due to the amazing efforts of our team, the Aids Healthcare Foundation gave "Club Us" a plaque commemorating our efforts and in memoriam of Tim Yocom.  Our team captain, a good friend of Tim’s, was in tears when he heard this announced to the entire Walk.  It was a beautiful moment. 

We were also given the privilege of leading the Walk.  10 km with good weather and a great group of friends, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my Sunday.  Tired (and starving) by the end, I was filled with an electric buzz from the joy and hope of everyone involved.

I want to thank all my friends and family who donated to the AIDS Walk and helped with this worthy cause.  Your support meant the world to me.

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In just a couple of days I’ll be participating in the FL AIDS Walk held in Fort Lauderdale, FL.  This will be my first time involved in any charity event and I’m really excited about giving back to the community.  Back in February I wrote about why I’m participating in the AIDS Walk and the amazing team "Club US" that I’m a part of.  So far we’ve collected $48,000+ dollars toward research, education and better quality of life for AIDS patients.

We’re almost at our goal of $50,000 dollars.  Please help us reach it by donating whatever you can spare.  No amount is too small.  If you’re unable to contribute, then pass this link along (http://takeaction.aidshealth.org/goto/gabrielnovo) to others who might be able to lend a hand.

There’s always hope that a cure will be found during our lifetime, but in the meantime we must fight this disease in any and every way we can.  Thank you for your support.

Please click the image above to help fight AIDS!

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Life is an interesting experience if you pay attention as you go along.  Threads of your existence are woven together in ways that only dawn upon you years after the fact.  As far as I’ve traveled it has only shown me how small the world can be.  In London I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in 8 years and Chicago harbored a childhood crush from my days in Costa Rica.  These are just a few examples of my life connecting in unexpected ways, but there have been times where I was the catalyst for that experience in others.

In the early 2000’s my girl and I lived in a quaint little apartment building of no more than 10 units.  Every resident truly loved their homes and did their best to make the building an wonderful place to live in.  Our neighbor across the hall was a tall, sweet man from Texas named Tim Yocom.  He had just moved down to South Florida to try out the lifestyle.  My girl used to go to his place for a cup of coffee and I remember many a hallway chat with Tim.  Tall and laid back, Tim always put you at ease.

We left Florida for North Carolina shortly after our time in that building.  As often happens with interstate moves we lost touch with Tim.  Fast forward 5 years and we’re back on native soil.  Most of our friends had drifted away, leaving us to start from scratch in our now unfamiliar homeland.  At a birthday party for one of our remaining friend’s boyfriend we bumped into an amazing group of transplants hailing all the way from Texas.

Warm, inviting and tons of fun we started hanging out with this great group of people.  All friends from back in Texas they decided to move to Fort Lauderdale after one of their very best friends blazed the trail for them.  In passing conversation one night, after drinks and a movie, one of them mentioned the fabled friend’s name… it was Tim… Tim Yocom.

What we didn’t know was that he had passed away shortly after we left Florida.  If we had stayed this entire clan of friends would have been ours many years sooner, but instead we briefly touched their lives and then faded away only to return through sheer coincidence.  When things like that occur I make sure to pay attention.  Tim’s memory is the driving force for their participation in the Florida AIDS Walk under the team name “Club Us” and  I am now honored to be a part of that team.  In the five years since Tim’s passing, this group of friends has raised nearly $100,000 in honor of their friendship with him, and the intent to share those friendships with others.

I ask you to please support me in my walk to battle AIDS.  Before you dismiss the Walk as something outside of your life or not a part of who you are, sit and think about all the ways life has surprised you with her tangled web, bringing you closer to different people than you’d ever think possible.  If you learn to appreciate those moments of happy circumstance your life will become richer than you could ever imagine.

Please help me keep friends alive and together as opposed to only in memories.  Please sponsor me in this year’s Florida AIDS Walk.

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I’m somewhere I totally didn’t think I would be right now, sitting in a hotel on another traveling engagement.  For those of you who have been reading for a while now, you know that returning to this was not a decision I made lightly.  Economic conditions outside of my control (or anyone’s these days) forced me to look real hard at the dollars and cents of my life.

The travel I slipped on like an old pair of jeans, no fuss no muss.  The consulting… well, I think that’s in my blood.  The technical aspects are the same 0’s and 1’s I’ve been battling since I first laid my eyes on a computer.  Yet, the negative feelings from my previous stints are still lingering with a surprising intensity.

I’m muscling my way through it (with varying results), but I’m not sure where it will lead me.  My goal is to stick with this long enough to repair the financial damage caused by 2009.  I hope I still have the intestinal fortitude to make it happen.  Only time will tell.

*sorry to have missed my scheduled update yesterday. as this post has inferred, there’s a lot on my plate right now*

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I have finally accepted the lack of focus in my blog.

I labored under the assumption there needed to be a strict vision in my writing, worrying about my haphazard subject matter and its effects on building a reader base.  Slowly, I realized that this little slice of the web is mine and mine alone.  It doesn’t need to be defined or confined or restricted in any manner.

My thoughts are a tumultuous swirl of wild tangents and obscure associations, steeped in a multitude of topics.  50’s lounge music rubs shoulders with black and white silent films while ancient mythology hangs out alongside cyberpunk manifestos.  Like a hyperactive kid on Cuban coffee (which describes much of my childhood), I fly from subject to subject with lightning speed. From informative to heartfelt, I will simply write what springs from my fingertips.  In another place I’ll worry about message or tone, but here I will be myself, free from any constraints.

Those that wish to follow me on this course are welcome aboard.  You can add to the conversation, helping steer us to new destinations or sit back and enjoy the waves.  Now that my insecurities have been pushed aside, I stand here excited and eager to explore these open waters.

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These recent days have been a whirlwind personally and professionally.  I’m still trying to make sense of most of it, but it is what it is.  With that being said, I’m taking a hiatus on the blogging for the foreseeable future.  This little slice of the web will definitely kick back to life at some point soon, but I have the feeling the rest of 2009 is going to be written off.

I apologize to the readers who’ve grown accustomed to regular updates (since October’s experiment).  Hopefully when I get back on track there’ll be a better focus behind it.  To everyone out there, good luck and godspeed. 

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