The shark is a remarkable animal having evolved over millennia into the sleek ocean predator we both fear and admire. Singular in purpose these fantastic creatures suffer from one major design flaw, if they stop moving they drown. Driven by this biological drawback sharks endlessly prowl the waters, condemned to a life devoid of rest.
The clownfish (popularized by Finding Nemo) is on the other side of the spectrum. Once a host anemone is found they will usually stick to that spot for the remainder of their life. Both these creatures inhabit the same oceans, even crossing paths from time to time, yet embody completely different approaches to living.
Just Keep Swimming
A constant frustration of mine is being in the same camp as the former, propelled by biological forces written into my very DNA which leave no room for discussion. Not everyone is wired this way. From my personal experience I would say a majority of the population wants to find that perfect symbiotic relationship and maintain the status quo until they expire.
This is where I find a lot of friction between myself and the world at large. For me, like the shark, forward momentum is life. I feel the potential of my design shouting at me, trying desperately to keep inertia at bay. Whenever I’m idle in my passions both body and mind rebel. An unease sets into life, tainting everything around me.
Since most folks aren’t compelled in this manner, it is difficult to find kindred spirits. The basic desire for growth is one that’s also hard to find. Sad to say routine ad nauseam is the way of life for most and in many cases something people strive for.
Where Am I?
At this point I’m not quite sure. Everything feels either stagnant or like it’s backsliding. The stillness of it all has me apprehensive, like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, just waiting for the inevitable. And if the inevitable never comes then that’s a torture in and of itself, languishing in a personal limbo.
I’ve tried all the usual tricks to climb out of this, but they fall flat. I don’t even know what to expect from writing this entry other than to get it out into the open. Perhaps giving it an objective eye once it’s up will uncover something new.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
From where my parents came from they were both extremely play-it-safe people, no risk taking at all. So I have that tendency in me. But I also discovered if I don’t do something to continually move forward I fall into awful depressions. I try to stay on top of this. But still my mantra these days is “work harder”. It’s like I’m constantly teetering on the ledge, doing just enough, instead of jumping both feet into hard work and forward momentum. I really need to fix this in myself.
Twitter: gabrielnovo
May 17, 2010 at 11:35 am
@Terrie isn’t that dichotomy so confusing? Scared to move forward, but depressed if you don’t. I think you should become an adrenalin junkie and fear be damned.
Sinclair over at http://selfactivator.com/ writes great articles about the struggles of a creative career and how to overcome them. I highly recommend her stuff.
Sorry it took me so long to get back here. I forgot to check the little box. I will definitely go read Sinclair’s articles. You are without a doubt the most talented person I know at separating the chaff from the wheat in this very must chaff-infested Internet we live in. Thanks!