The Company We Keep

In Spanish there’s a saying my Dad used to often tell me, "Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres" which translates to "Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell you who you are".  The people we surround ourselves with have more of an impact on our lives than we realize.  It goes beyond the usual optimist/pessimist personality types, brightening or souring our day accordingly.  The hopes, dreams and goals of our friends influence our own.  That’s why they say "birds of a feather" because those with similar directions in life clump together.  Gaggles of potheads, lazily munching on whatever’s handy while waxing philosophically about the "big" things in life.  Swarms of frat boys, vainly clutching to the remnants of their college party days, who believe most major problems can be solved with a kegger.  Bundles of artists, either suffering from crippling insecurities or gargantuan egos, striving to leave their mark on the world.  They all share goals and viewpoints, finding the comfort that only safety in numbers can bring.

What happens when those around you no longer share your dreams or you’ve chosen to move beyond the confines of these social situations?  Do you find yourself being lifted to the next level by your soon to be former peer group or are they like crabs in a barrel, dragging you back down for the sin of trying to escape?  There’s nothing wrong with having friendships from varying walks of life, variety is the spice of life opening us to different experiences, but when your core group—those who interact with you heavily on a regular basis—is comfortable plugging along on the same trek while you yearn for something more, the disconnect can have a severe affect on your life.

Billiards is a sport where I’ve seen this dynamic most obviously.  Having worked many a late night at a pool hall in my younger years, I began to observe changes in my fellow players and myself.  When we paired up with players who were at our skill level or below, the games would remain stagnant, frequently devolving into beer fueled slop pool.  When we paired up with those better than us, our abilities were elevated to meet the occasion, giving us tricks we didn’t know we had.  I personally experienced this time after time, cementing the fact that this wasn’t a fluke.

When surrounding yourself with those that don’t want more from life—saying you want it is not the same as actually pursuing it—you’re going to plod along the same level of existence, discouraged in achieving more by the false comfort of familiarity.  When you finally meet those with ambition, actively striving to live life to the fullest, it’s like someone poured rocket fuel into you, supercharging your dreams and goals.

As a creative, I encounter more of the former than the latter, their fear of failure, success or something else altogether, never letting them progress past the point of pipe dream.  Finding people in the ambitious group is something I’ve been trying to accomplish with little success.  The internet is a fantastic place, filled with many folks on the same path as me, but connections made from electrons are tenuous at best or lacking the warmth of face-to-face interaction.  Who hasn’t been ready to charge hell with a squirt gun after an electrifying late night conversation with friends on the same wavelength?  Not only do you feel like someone "gets you", but they want to chase after the same crazy things you do too.  I’ve had this in bars and coffee shops, but never over IM or in an email.

If my Dad were to ask me today "dime con quien andas" I would have to say my nerdy side has been running with the same crew for half a decade, but my artsy side is still searching. That in itself explains a lot as to why I’m feeling the way I am these days.

Do you feel like you’re surrounded by crabs pulling you back into the doldrums of a life you no longer want or have you found those who "get you" filling your tank with high octane potential?

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Tagged as: Fear, Goals, Passion, Tribes