If you’ve been following my Twitter feed, you probably heard about my interesting weekend in Ybor City. Goths in surgical masks, a pit bull sitting at the bar, and one-eye bathroom attendants are just some of the highlights of my adventures in Ybor nightlife. The transformation from tumbleweed town earlier in the week to hordes of people clogging the streets on the weekend was amazing. Definitely one of the more impressive Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde acts I’ve seen.
I also got the chance to hang out with the locals (always my goal in a new city) and meet some real people. One in particular drew me in with sharp, funny conversation and then startled me with eerie similarities. He was a young guy I met at the local micro-brew, who was teeming with rage and frustration just below the surface, fueled by his current situation in life, which was one I knew all too well. There he was, an intelligent and capable man, having tasted briefly what it felt like to truly meet his potential, who was now trapped in a subpar role, in a substandard place, living a barely sustainable life. For those who’ve always scrapped along, it’s business as usual, but those who fall under Icarus’s shadow know the pain of grasping a moment only to have it torn from you.
I was that guy, back in my early twenties, humping away at menial computer work which was what passed for a living after the dotcom bust in South Florida. Grateful for the pay, but resentful of the work, I dragged myself from crappy project to crappy project. The fear and struggle gnawed away at me constantly. It wasn’t until I received a real opportunity that I was able to free myself of such misery. The call to Microsoft, in essence, was the light which led me out of the well.
There I sat at this bar, talking to a conflicted yet genuine man, seeing him flounder in the same darkness with the same pain in his eyes. I tried to talk him through it as best I could, leveraging all my experiences from the same period, yet in the end all I can do was hope he gets out of it on the right side of the equation. In humanity we see bits of ourselves in everyone around us. It’s the moment when we can recognize others living the same scenarios we’ve played out before that still catch me off guard. Introspection through others is a surreal method of self analysis.
I can’t blame him for his rage, the fire burning in his belly is the same one that resides in mine. Both a blessing and a curse, ambition is a trait which few have appreciated in recent years. I’ll almost venture to say that most enjoying the start of their youth don’t even acknowledge its existence. With the rise of instant gratification this comes as no surprise. Why hone oneself to a fine point when the rewards for being a dull blade can be the same?
Now I find myself getting pulled back into the same well, frustration and anxiety creeping in as I clash with my neglected creative potential. Injecting myself with the unfiltered life of Ybor has been beneficial, returning a little crackle into my smoldering fire, but that alone is not enough. Luckily I’ve gone through this game before and the pull I feel in my gut will take me through the darkness even though I can’t see the steps. I just need to trust in its guidance.
I’m curious, has anyone else seen a stranger playing out scenes from their own lives? Did you try to help them through it or run away from the painful reminder?
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Twitter: retrohack
June 14, 2010 at 2:44 pm
…those who fall under Icarus’s shadow…
We need to start a new support group, whose members need share but one thing in common…that. Way to turn a phrase there!
Ed Fisher´s latest post ..An open letter to Twilight’s Stephenie Meyer
Um, how in the hell did I miss those tweets? lol
And yes, I’ve had times where people confessed things in their life that have mirrored my own current experiences. I dealt with it silently, never told them the connection, but at least felt validated that I wasn’t alone in my struggles.
Twitter: gabrielnovo
June 17, 2010 at 10:35 pm
It is a weird connection when you experience deja vu through someone else, but I’m glad you’re finding comfort in it. For me it depends on whether they’re just entering the situation or getting past it. With the former, I feel the frustration of being helpless to stop them and with the later, the same relief I felt finally overcoming it.
Gabriel Novo´s latest post ..Move or Die
I think most of the trouble — when you’re in your twenties — is that you still think life is going to last forever, and you don’t have that sense of urgency you need to buckle down, focus down, pick an area of expertise, and devote maximum effort. Even in the thirties it so often proves too tempting to “fritter” at various things — never really getting good at them — until you get bored and want to move on to something new. Which is why I marvel at the true professionals in any regard — especially artistic professionals — because they’ve somehow found the focus and the will to remove obstacles and distractions, and dedicate themselves to a thing for years or even decades.
Problem with the arts is that unless you’re the tip of the needle — that small percentage which is at the very top — it’s not so easy to make a living doing the art exclusively. In my own experience with writing, even breaking in is no guarantee that suddenly the dam bursts and sales flow like water. The work just gets even harder because you have to keep grinding it out and never quit, taking rejections — nicely worded, nicely personalized — and not get angry or feel entitled. Nobody said it would be easy. I think that’s a truth I still struggle to grasp.
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