Vampires always come and go in vogue, but recently they have become an especially hot property. From movies to television to books, bloodsuckers are saturating our entertainment in record numbers. What’s makes this wave of Nosferatu different from previous incarnations is the role that they are playing. Dracula isn’t the foul creature from the grave, or the evil that must be destroyed; suddenly, he’s the boyfriend. Vampirism, like motorcycles and leather jackets, has turned into a bad boy trapping. The eternal thirst for human blood is now more an afterthought than a deterrent, their proclivity for biting a kinky plus. The boy you won’t bring home to mother has just grown fangs.
A mortal woman plus a supernatural lover always sells like hotcakes. Just look at what’s out there: True Blood, Twilight, Moonlight, Forever Knight (I’m noticing a pattern) and of course Buffy, the epitome of vampire boyfriend storylines. That demographic’s buttons are being hit hard, attracting a loyal female fanbase which will out-spend and out-watch their male counterparts. If you don’t believe me, then let me ask you: do you think it was teenage boys that made Titanic the uber success it was?
You would think that the reverse, a vampire girlfriend, would bring the guys in droves, salivating over their flawless beauty and perpetually hot bodies. Sadly, that is not the case. It seems undead vixens don’t have the same allure as their male counterparts. Mulling over this lack of symmetry in vamp sex appeal got me thinking: why is that? Vamp chicks never get old, so their looks don’t fade. They drink blood, so they’re uninhibited. You’ll never have to meet their parents because they died 300 years ago. I was putting a lot of checks in the pro column, but I still couldn’t think of any cons. Then it hit me: the stereotypical male is intimidated by strong women, and these vamps are as strong as they get. They don’t need to be saved, they will drink you under the table, they party harder than you ever could, and they’d kick your ass if it came down to it. For women, the danger of a paranormal paramour drips sex, but for men it only reminds them of their mortality.
The few times we’ve ever seen vampire girlfriends attempted, it’s ended badly. In Kindred: The Embraced, C. Thomas Howell’s vamp girl ends up a human torch after being pushed into a sunrise. Jim Carrey in Once Bitten, turns his vampy cougar into a withered old lady. Innocent Blood is the only film that tried to get it right, though it fails miserably. Anne Parillaud is a smoking hot French vamp who loves parading around her candlelit apartment naked; this should be a win-win situation. Yet when Anthony LePaglia finally gets to do the deed, the undercurrent of fear is painfully obvious. He handcuffs her not out of some forbidden desire, but for fear of having his head ripped off mid-coitus.
It kills me that male insecurities keep us from having a stunning Valkyrie as a sex symbol. The closest we have is Milla Jovovich, and even her characters tend to be hobbled in some way. I’m supposed to believe that the one thing keeping the Fifth Element –who beat to death countless aliens with her bare hands, learned the English language in mere hours and is ridiculously sexy wearing just bandages– from saving the world was Bruce Willis’ kiss? That’s laughable. Men’s fear of strong women is not only diluting the quality of our female characters, but pigeonholing what is considered sexy.
I for one, have no problem with a wild-eyed Amazon kicking ass, taking names and using me for a celebratory romp back at her place.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
There’s the female Vampire character from the Underworld movies but that’s about it. I think you’re pretty much spot on with your theory of it not appealing to men the same way as pretty-boy vamps appeal to the female demographic.
This is fascinating. The only examples of vampire-babe/ human-dude that doesn’t end sadly that I could come up with are Christopher Moore’s “You Suck” and “Bloodsucking Fiends”. But then again the genre is different (humor) and allows for the tough chick to throw the wimpy guy around. It’s all for a laugh.
Twitter: retrohack
June 14, 2009 at 6:00 pm
“and using me for a celebratory romp back at her place.”
I LOL’d and then I went “wait, whut?” You actually put that in print with Ra reading over your shoulder?
This was an excellent read, and you raised some compelling points. I must call to mind my list of favourite Vamp Chicks…
Kate Beckinsale and Sophia Myles in Underworld
Monica Belluci in Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Juliet Landau in Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
and my personal fave…Jenny Wright in Near Dark.
Or could it be because guys are smart enough to go after the bitches with fangs that’ll suck them dry? . . . Wait . . .
Well of course I would “YES” this post. I completely agree nor would I mind it happening to myself as well.
*evil grin & laughing like a mad scientist*
“and using me for a celebratory romp back at her place.”
-I approve of this message-
*thumbs up!
I totally agree with you!! It is mind boggling that with the thousands upon thousands of vampire stories in the form of books / movies / comics / etc. there are still so many aspects of the vampire mythology left untouched and unexplored.
Interesting article. I think the problem is that the “modern” male is too wrapped up in his metro-sexuality to be a real man. Real men like strong women. If you think I’m kicking “modern” men in their collective teeth, allow me to remove all doubt, yes, I am.
It may be romantic to ride to the rescue of some damsel in distress, but it is fantastic to find that one who will cross swords with you as well.
Valkyrie difffer from Vampires, think Red Sonja and Valeria (Bonus Man points if you know who that is), compared to say Miriam (You may have to hunt for that one). I think it is the weaker of my gender, those sorry milquetoasts who are only men by virtue of genitalia, that are incapable of enjoying the company of a strong female. To me, the question would the female vampire have the qualities of a strong woman by virtue of her unlife, that is the determining factor, eternal beauty only goes so far, does the intellect and will “match the drapes”? The eternal Jeanne d’Arc, strong and beautiful would be an interesting Vampire.